Dear Diary, Page Five

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Dear Diary

This will be my last entry, I look back on the pages of this book, and wonder where I went wrong, where did ‘it’ go wrong. It feels like I have been living in this other life, that swirled around me and I just sat and watched it, but I didn’t did I, I took part in the acts you will find out about. The dolls fell before me like feathers, the blood, the smell, the putrid rotting flesh…but in each of them, I saw her….maybe I was trying to bring her back in a way, maybe restore myself through knife and blade, cutting each defect out of me like you would a cancer. I am the creature that was made by the hand of a bastard, I am nothing, I am noone, I will weep for them…but it’s not enough. Troy looks at me now, and he knows, he knows my doubts are forming, I hear him, just like dad, he walks through the apartment with his dark clumping shoes, creeping around me like a shark. I know I will be dead soon, so I hope he does me quickly, but in a way, I probably deserve to suffer.

All of them suffered, many by me, so why should I get a break. I probably deserve whatever is coming to me, I probably deserve a million times worth. I hope they know that I am sorry, I regret, I lament, I feel them around me, there was a moment, where the last one looked with her deep eyes, staring at me for mercy, it was that one when I saw here. The ghost of the things I left back there at the farm, the bear, the doll, the room, the locked hiding place, the screams…it all came flooding back. I heard nothing at the moment the knife slipped between her ribs, nothing heard but the soft sigh of her leaving…but there was a hand on me and that night I saw her….the ghost lumped itself and told me the truth, I knew then…what I did and knew that it was time to pay for the things I have done. I promise I will not forget them all, I am sure when I get to hel, they will find me, and there in their embrace I will meet the judgement I deserve.

I am not Ivy anymore….I am…….XXXXXXXXXX hear this name and know the truth, for it will tell you everything….