It is mostly the smells that make me afraid now. He comes home. The smell of cigar smoke everywhere, I know he will hurt me again, I just know it. Why is it always me, but it would be better to be me than her, she is smaller than me. I remember when she was born, I swore then, I would protect her, but I failed. I failed and betrayed her. There is nothing left now for me is there, nothing but knowing what is coming when that door opens, the creaking of it, haunts me. What is left of me, I ask you, what? There is nothing anymore…no reason for my living, maybe I should end it…but I need to live…not for me, but for her.