Here in the USA, it’s almost impossible for you to go into a Target without walking out with things that you did not have on your list. They have a small book section at most of the stores. As I was wandering around with my daughter who MUST visit all book sections of any store we go to, which is where I found this book of poetry. I opened it, read one poem and placed it in my cart. I brought it with me on a trip to Hawaii and had a chance to read the entire thing while waiting for the flight. It’s not a huge book to read, only 143 pages, most of which are half a page or less. In the pages of the book, Lovelace takes a knife, cuts into my heart and packs it with words that both heal and remind me of the power of loss. This book brought into me a lot of things I have felt myself, and I understood her. She took a look at me and saw me and it was delightful, sad, and somewhat peaceful.
The first one that hit me was: “You cannot have a funeral for your mother, without also having a funeral for yourself”. Yes, this poem hits at the core of what it is like to lose a parent, which is not as painful as a child, which I have no experience with, but I cannot fathom what I would do if my daughter was no longer living, and mourn with all mothers who have lost a child, or mourn a child that never was. I often tell my daughter, you mourn the children you never had, or at least some of us do, I think childbirth is a choice and so not all of us want motherhood, and that’s ok, but there are some days where I regret not having a second child. This quote revealed that in me is still a hole, not filled by anything, just empty, where my mother was, where this fictitious child was, and it is gone, and in its place, there is a heavy stone that remains there…It’s painful but true.
2-“Sharing the same family tree, doesn’t often make people stay. Find a family in the ones who make you laugh uncontrollably……….especially when you’re unsure of yourself, find the ones who will face the fire with you” [excerpts] Lovelace hits on something I have had to learn, to know when I am facing friends or facing monsters, and to know that I am worth something. I have struggled to believe that I am worth friendship, that I can have relationships, but because of the people that I have let in, they made me see a strong dragon inside that is no longer going to allow those who are toxic destroy me.
3-“Other times, we’re the ones haunting ourselves, give your ghost a voice……let them carry the hurt your shoulders can no longer bear to hold”[excerpts] YES, let it go! I have learned this too the hard way, and Lovelace spoke to me of the same hardship, the dirt under your nails still fresh from buring your beloved [figuratively], you are not your past, it does not own you, and you can let it go, bury it and move on.
I recommend this book of poetry and give it a 5.0/5.0.
If you have faced loss, trauma, and pain you will appreciate the book immensely. Lovelace takes hold of you and kindly wraps you in understanding, hope, and relief, she cuts out your pain and washes it away, leaving you at the end parting with the haunted things in your life as friends. https://www.amazon.com/drink-coffee-ghost-Amanda-Lovelace/dp/1449494277